No one will ever be on the top.
I say this with much humility, it had never crossed my mind that I am one of the best in my town let alone the entire country. Not for a second.
Though my actions may seem to be, but I am not. I am a humble man.
Actually the fact that I am saying this makes everything sound the exact opposite.
I would say I am a subconscious snob. Most of the time I regret and am ashamed of my actions seconds later.
_______________________________________________________________________________
I felt extra nervous that day. Almost like the feeling I always have whenever I am about to meet my baby D.
Perhaps I had found the ONE. The almost perfect workplace that I had always wanted to work in.
With a bit of previous experience in introducing my hometown, Ipoh to some cute and shy Australian boys back in my secondary school days, I thought I did not need much practice.
As expected, I did not cover the food part, which Ipoh is inevitably famous for, and got silenced by the interviewers' questions about food. Good thing I managed to save my pride from shame with a bit of knowledge about Ipoh's attraction sites. Phew...
I always thought I could out-play the interviewers with, what I thought then was sufficient knowledge in Interview Psychology. I was wrong. I could not even control my own emotions and what was stirring inside of me. I stammered and went blank for the first few questions.
When asked about my 2 strong, positive, unique points about myself, I beat around the bushes, mentioning that I am a FLAMBOYANT person, basically an attention whore, when I want to or whenever my friends are around me, because that is where I get my courage from, most of the time.
I went on to my second strong point, WHICH I COULD NOT THINK OF. I do not think highly of myself, remember? LOOK UP! *coughs* Being curious, INQUISITIVE and willing to learn was what I meant to say, but Mr Bean (One of the interviewers) said I was nosy, which he thought could be a bad thing.
Reluctantly, I spitted out words or sentences about myself. Going around the fact that I have a preference which is different from the society's "normality", but not giving them the pearl. I mentioned something about living 2 lives and be confident when I am expected to be AND *POOF!* Mr Bean did his magic and chanted his spell on me being an introvert but showing to others that I am an extrovert, INDECISIVE! BULL'S EYE! He wanted to ask for a confirmation if what he said was true. I merely nodded and murmured abashedly, yes.
I then, told the tale of me, failing in managing the crew from the Voyager Board, like how I had recited to the teacher adviser many times, in hope to get her true advice. My intentions were good, I only wanted to satisfy everyone. *POOF!* "STUBBORN! YOU THINK YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT! Everyone else is wrong! Am I right?" A guffaw was what I answered him.
I walked out of the door forgetting that I ever had spines at the back of my neck.
*rings*
_______________________________________________________________________________
What lies on the top depends on me. I decide its colour, texture and taste.
What lied on top that day was truly impressive and a privilege for me to have witnessed with my own flesh and lots of sweat.
Thursday, 22 January 2015
Thursday, 15 January 2015
Truly Living the Real Life in the Real World
2015 - the year I am truly living the real life in the real world
Hectic new year, it has been. Maybe not. I am just exaggerating. In fact, I am ALWAYS exaggerating.
Have only been lazy, really. =P
Allow me to bring you back to the first minute of 2015.
The first person I saw on New Year was none other than my baby D. We decided to watch a movie on a New Year at 12.05 am that day. It was "Seventh Son". Since I am not paid to make any reviews on the movie, I am just gonna say that, the movie was freaking bad, but the company was what I needed.
A very typical new-hero-is-born movie it is. As expected, the main actor, which I think is cute, starts as a pig farmer with special abilities. He has visions of the future. Like all fairy tales, the hero always saves the day. What happens in between is so insignificant to me that I do not even want to mention it here. Poor Julianne Moore! =[ She is gorgeous and wicked, loved her!
________________________________________________________________________________
2015, too marks the year I start working like the society wants me to.
I started looking for jobs on JobStreet, MyPrivateTutor, JenJobs, MauKerja and what not.
I was hoping that I could find a part-time tutoring job just for the mean time, until I find a proper job that can actually teach me something. I guess that is just not happening. MyPrivateTutor happens to be a site where "students", mostly parents looking for tutors who have the money to pay for the early subscription, which is about RM 85. ONLY with the subscription will you get to see the contacts of the "students". I FELT CHEATED! </3
With just much anticipation, I polished my resume and made it as shiny and as noticeable as my experiences allow. With much effort and time spent to write a polite and cute cover letter when sending my resumes to the companies, little did I expect myself to be CHEATED, AGAIN!
SCREW THE REAL WORLD! So the company was looking for Event Crew, and I got called up for an interview 2 days after I have sent my resume, which is a bit too fast for any proper companies to really scan through all the resumes. There, much to my delights, I started Googling about the company for preparation. Not only did I not find the offcial website of that particular company, I found out from the LowYat forum that it is a fraud.
BESIDES, which company would call you in the morning to remind you of the interview?
Which company would call you again after realizing that you did not attend the interview?
Whoever was on the phone was downright desperate and sounds fishy. *smells fish* EW!
A few days later, another phone call. I was once again called up for an interview in the exact location as the first one which I chose not to attend to. This time, it was a different company, WHICH I would not even have applied for if I knew they did not have an official website for their "multi-national, marketing company which is based in the UK". When asked about the basics, she dodged it. KTHXBYE, BIATCH! </3
_______________________________________________________________________________
Reading back my very first post on this blog.
Gosh, how pathetic! I did not even realise that it has already been a year. Well, I guess happy time just runs faster! =D
Hectic new year, it has been. Maybe not. I am just exaggerating. In fact, I am ALWAYS exaggerating.
Have only been lazy, really. =P
Allow me to bring you back to the first minute of 2015.
The first person I saw on New Year was none other than my baby D. We decided to watch a movie on a New Year at 12.05 am that day. It was "Seventh Son". Since I am not paid to make any reviews on the movie, I am just gonna say that, the movie was freaking bad, but the company was what I needed.
A very typical new-hero-is-born movie it is. As expected, the main actor, which I think is cute, starts as a pig farmer with special abilities. He has visions of the future. Like all fairy tales, the hero always saves the day. What happens in between is so insignificant to me that I do not even want to mention it here. Poor Julianne Moore! =[ She is gorgeous and wicked, loved her!
You go, gurl! :3 (thefilmexperience.net)
________________________________________________________________________________
2015, too marks the year I start working like the society wants me to.
I started looking for jobs on JobStreet, MyPrivateTutor, JenJobs, MauKerja and what not.
I was hoping that I could find a part-time tutoring job just for the mean time, until I find a proper job that can actually teach me something. I guess that is just not happening. MyPrivateTutor happens to be a site where "students", mostly parents looking for tutors who have the money to pay for the early subscription, which is about RM 85. ONLY with the subscription will you get to see the contacts of the "students". I FELT CHEATED! </3
With just much anticipation, I polished my resume and made it as shiny and as noticeable as my experiences allow. With much effort and time spent to write a polite and cute cover letter when sending my resumes to the companies, little did I expect myself to be CHEATED, AGAIN!
SCREW THE REAL WORLD! So the company was looking for Event Crew, and I got called up for an interview 2 days after I have sent my resume, which is a bit too fast for any proper companies to really scan through all the resumes. There, much to my delights, I started Googling about the company for preparation. Not only did I not find the offcial website of that particular company, I found out from the LowYat forum that it is a fraud.
BESIDES, which company would call you in the morning to remind you of the interview?
Which company would call you again after realizing that you did not attend the interview?
Whoever was on the phone was downright desperate and sounds fishy. *smells fish* EW!
A few days later, another phone call. I was once again called up for an interview in the exact location as the first one which I chose not to attend to. This time, it was a different company, WHICH I would not even have applied for if I knew they did not have an official website for their "multi-national, marketing company which is based in the UK". When asked about the basics, she dodged it. KTHXBYE, BIATCH! </3
_______________________________________________________________________________
Reading back my very first post on this blog.
Gosh, how pathetic! I did not even realise that it has already been a year. Well, I guess happy time just runs faster! =D
Saturday, 4 January 2014
Between Life and Death
They say when we have once straddled between life and death, we will be enlightened.
A father of two sons. A husband to a wife who has done everything she could to hold her family in one, a task not many women can shoulder. A heavy smoker he is. A man who has once received 9 years of education, fully capable of reading and comprehending. An aging 51 year-old with high blood pressure, diabetes, high cholesterol, you-name-it, with an ego so big that will just obliterate anything that has come as an obstacle. A self-employed technician who has a temper of a lightning, no matter who you are, one question that is being asked, all for the sake of the conversation and out of courtesy, if he thinks it is annoying or unnecessary will agitate him so much so as to send him through the roof and you will be humiliated.
A needle in his vein, liquid flowing into his blood capillaries to keep him hydrated. In extreme exhaustion, he lied on the hospital bed with Dengue fever languidly with no appetite. His son and wife had been there in the hospital for almost an entire day, he demonstrated no signs of appreciation for them being there for him. Angry comments were all they got from him that day and the days that followed. In dismal disappointment, his son left him, disgusted. The wife stayed, worried.
Several sleepless nights for the wife, she cooked soup and brought isotonic drinks and whatever she thought he might need for his stay in the hospital. Meanwhile, his son only had one wish. He wished that after all this that his father had gone through, he would be a better father, a better husband and a better man. His wish did not come true.
As soon as he stepped out from the hospital compound, he started making angry remarks for what others have done that is very disturbing to whoever were in the car on the way home with him that day.
For some, when they have once been put in an astride of life and death and survived, they would learn how everyday is gifted and be grateful for everything and everyone that is in his life. For him, he is alive because he is strong and because he has a manhood between his thighs.
However, a big man like him may seem dominant but when you get closer to him, take an in-depth look from head to toe, he is just a weak lonely soul who craves for love and care but too manly to show his desire for such girly things.
They said when we had once been straddled between life and death, we would be enlightened? Or is Dengue fever too petty an illness to be considered as one? Or does it take more than that? What is more?
A father of two sons. A husband to a wife who has done everything she could to hold her family in one, a task not many women can shoulder. A heavy smoker he is. A man who has once received 9 years of education, fully capable of reading and comprehending. An aging 51 year-old with high blood pressure, diabetes, high cholesterol, you-name-it, with an ego so big that will just obliterate anything that has come as an obstacle. A self-employed technician who has a temper of a lightning, no matter who you are, one question that is being asked, all for the sake of the conversation and out of courtesy, if he thinks it is annoying or unnecessary will agitate him so much so as to send him through the roof and you will be humiliated.
A needle in his vein, liquid flowing into his blood capillaries to keep him hydrated. In extreme exhaustion, he lied on the hospital bed with Dengue fever languidly with no appetite. His son and wife had been there in the hospital for almost an entire day, he demonstrated no signs of appreciation for them being there for him. Angry comments were all they got from him that day and the days that followed. In dismal disappointment, his son left him, disgusted. The wife stayed, worried.
Several sleepless nights for the wife, she cooked soup and brought isotonic drinks and whatever she thought he might need for his stay in the hospital. Meanwhile, his son only had one wish. He wished that after all this that his father had gone through, he would be a better father, a better husband and a better man. His wish did not come true.
As soon as he stepped out from the hospital compound, he started making angry remarks for what others have done that is very disturbing to whoever were in the car on the way home with him that day.
For some, when they have once been put in an astride of life and death and survived, they would learn how everyday is gifted and be grateful for everything and everyone that is in his life. For him, he is alive because he is strong and because he has a manhood between his thighs.
However, a big man like him may seem dominant but when you get closer to him, take an in-depth look from head to toe, he is just a weak lonely soul who craves for love and care but too manly to show his desire for such girly things.
They said when we had once been straddled between life and death, we would be enlightened? Or is Dengue fever too petty an illness to be considered as one? Or does it take more than that? What is more?
Wednesday, 1 January 2014
Firework
It sounded like a war.
Driven by curiosity, as fast as we could, my brother and I ran to my aunt's room, climbed up the table, opened the windows, stuck our faces into what little gap there was. At the corner of my eyes, far away in distance, I saw colors as I was listening closely to the blatant and yet invigorating noise. With each chain of "Boom", there came a series of lights, flashing red, yellow, blue and green.
A few minutes did it only last. We crawled back to the beds with our hearts contented.
Year after year, we I would stay up late just to catch a glimpse of the tantalizing hope, faith, luck and love that were being radiated throughout the entire city. The aura just did not get to me.
---
Under my blanket, earphones on, listening to whatever bits and pieces of excitement that the radio DJ could offer. Although my presence could not be felt, I counted-down along with him, miles away from where he really is. Almost immediately, the war started.
---
Stuck in a traffic jam, after movie, in a car with my aunt and her ex-boyfriend. I glued my face onto the car windscreen, gazing straight up to the sky, where the fireworks were just above us. Up close, I felt connected to every blast. I was amazed by every blast.
---
A hand with a glass of beer, ice clinking onto one another, wearing a disgusting green party mask, a party whistle held between my lips. Counted-down with my cousins that I could not relate to back then. As soon as the clock struck 12, we hugged, wished one another whatever we could find in our minds and embraced one another's presence, even to strangers who were drunk, as fireworks were dancing glamorously in the sky above us. There was a hunky Indian.
---
Lying on the sofa, cellphone in my hand, curled up like a shrimp. A wish from someone special was what I was waiting for. Foolish. I stared at the celebrities in the television blindly as a war was going on out there, somewhere.
---
Locked myself in a room, munching on pineapple biscuits, typing, posting the first post on a new blog, hoping that I would always come back to it. I am not even bothered to make new year resolutions because deep in my heart, I know that I do not have the will and perseverance to accomplish them. Nonsense is what they would end up being.
The dissonance lasted for 4 minutes, probably the longest 4 minutes that I have ever experienced. I feel like I am being vexed and emotionally assailed by the unpleasant noise, reverberating in my ears. It has done nothing but triggered a wave of worries, anxiety, consternation and loneliness that I thought I had concealed in my dark deep chambers.
It sounds like a war.
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